What is the most dangerous thing you have ever done?

[birthrightgreen]

I was an assassin, sugar. Am an assassin, even if I'm without clients at the moment. I understood danger. Danger understood me. Admittedly, I did what I could to reduce the danger as often as possible, of course. I'm not an idiot. I'm not a thrill seeker. Usually. When things were bad with Sadi, I avoided him. I liked to kill from afar, so no one could tie it to me. A death spell, usually, more than my knife, for all the blade's my favorite weapon. I admit there were some rooms that got splattered, occasionally. Sometimes... *shrugs* It happens.

But the most dangerous? Sugar, that's easy. I went with Daemon into Terreille. To Dorothea and Hekatah's camp. I wanted to help. They were--are--my family, too. Those bitches had them. They'd sent us proof of that in the form of Uncle Saetan's little finger. I couldn't just sit there and do nothing. But danger? You'd best believe that. They'd already captured and confined Lucivar and Uncle Saetan. They'd held Daemon for 1700 years. I could have killed Dorothea one on one. Could have sent Hekatah to her final death. I was stronger, and I wasn't Ringed, but I couldn't take them both out at once, and had no way to do it otherwise without alerting the other and signing everyone's death warrant.

Daemon found me before I had a chance to slip away. When I realized he was going, I told him to take me with him. He said I could be useful, but I had no idea what exactly he'd need me for. All the way to the outside of Dorothea's camp he was himself. Sadi. Then he changed. Darkness help me, I thought I'd danced with the Sadist before. I hadn't until then. I've never seen anyone change so quickly. I thought. I thought what he wanted me to think. I fell for the act. I doubted him.

He needed me to be convincing. Sugar, believe me. I was. Spitting mad, and angry enough at him to not feel the fear I should have felt. Angry that I thought he'd betrayed me. Angry that I'd believed him. Angry enough that I didn't trust my gut, didn't know. I faltered and the fact that that's what he needed me to do doesn't help.

I look back and I don't know if I could have carried the scene against Uncle Saetan's pain. His disillusionment. Would I have been able to see that and not offer him some comfort? And if there was any relief, from any of us, they would have sensed it.

But at the time, I was furious. We were there. Saetan and Lucivar were chained. He gave me to her, to Dorothea. Shadows of Marian and Daemonar, but sickening all the same, what was done to them. Tortured. Killed. And he was able to just smile that cold smile of his. I was crying and I didn't even realize it. For them. For him. Only when he came for me the next night did I think to fear for me. To finally actually think of the danger I was in. Somehow the chains and the guards and those spiteful bitches hadn't hammered through my head that fact. But the look in his eyes did.

Of course, that was the time I was safest. What they thought he did to me made sure of that. When he finally told me what he'd done. What he needed me to do. Where Marian and Daemonar were. Then came my part and the most danger. Then I had to act. Act like he'd raped me. Act like I was pregnant. Act like I was broken. Broken and bruised and torn apart emotionally and physically. No longer able to access my Jewels. Dorothea bought it.

Lucivar didn't. That fact, that he didn't buy it? Makes me know more than anything Daemon was right to not let me in on the plan.

But the rest of them bought it. *wry* The limping bits were real at least. I made him make sure of that. I think it hurt him more than me. I played my part. Lucivar played his, even after he realized what the game was. I almost got stopped at the end of the day. A guard, thinking to play with Sadi's leftovers. Hitting him with the Gray would have alerted everyone and the knife would have taken time I didn't have. Graysfang was there, sight-shielded. I didn't realize until he told me to drop. Then he ripped the guard's throat out.

We got Marian and Daemonar. We caught the Red. We went home. Lucivar followed. Then Saetan and Daemon.

There were consequences. There always are. Some of them ought not to have happened. Some of them had to.

And some of them need to stop.

He Served. He did what his Queen asked of him. He saved your fucking hides and you'd damn well better realize that and stop the pettiness. The coldness. Treating him like he did something unforgivable. He did what a Consort is supposed to do for his Queen and you all should be grateful he was able to do it so thoroughly and well.

And the next person to say differently? Will have me to answer to.

Then, sugar? We'll see what you have to say about dangerous situations.

Comments

[http://users.livejournal.com/_deadlydance_/]

In truth, he had not expected a reply. But that hadn't been able to keep him from speaking.

That she was still in the room, still kissing him as she was? Was more than he had hoped for.

Her took full advantage of that.

[birthrightgreen.livejournal.com]

She moved gently over him, kissing him deeply. A soft sigh as her lips parted and she settled back on him with a rock of her hips.

Her fingers stroked over his face, gently touching.

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He kissed her back in silence for a while, giving what he thought she needed. Then his mouth moved to her cheek, her shoulder -- as he drew her even closer.

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She sighed softly, lips grazing his neck. Her fingers curled around his shoulder, stroking the skin there lightly as she rested against his chest.

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His arms wrapped themselves protectively around her as he reached for a blanket, forming a shelter just for two.

[birthrightgreen.livejournal.com]

She should say something. She was fairly sure of that. Anything seemed inadequate except that and now she'd waited too long to say it and he'd think she was just saying it because he had and she didn't want that. She wanted him to believe her because it wasn't something she'd said but to one other person and...

A slight flash of guilt at the realization that she did want to, at least part of her, say it back and wondering what that said about the other.

Thoughts flew around each other and chased through her head until she couldn't follow and so she clung to him.

[http://users.livejournal.com/_deadlydance_/]

He had expected this.

But the silence didn't speak to a lack of something. The silence wasn't a hole that needed to be stretched, or filled.

He kissed her cheek, and held her closer.

[birthrightgreen.livejournal.com]

She closed her eyes on a soft sigh, that was content for all the tremble of fear that ran through her at the same time.

Her hand went back to gently stroking his shoulder.

*I think...* It was easier if she just let him in a bit, easier to share the feelings she couldn't quite give voice to. So, she dropped the shields that were generally around her mind, shared her emotions. Joy. Terror. Confusion, a bit. And warmth there, the seeds of love there, shooting its green stems, trembling, waiting to bloom, there on the brink, but a fragility around it surrounded by her own fear and confusion. A faint sense that to let it bloom would betray something else and yet it was ready to bloom on its own and that lack of control was as terrifying as anything else That she could, did, love him despite herself.

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Her mind always awed him.


He trasured those few moments that she droped her guard and let him him. He would brush up against her and travel as far as he could go. He thoughts. Her strength. And that there were delicate patters there his vision would never be strong enough to see fully there, that there was knowledge there he would never be able to understand humbled him. But made him love her all the more.

To Serve was to love. But to Love wasn't always to Serve. Too much emotion there, apt to be confused. To get lost in.

But not with her.

He had never once been lost, or confused with her.

He pulled her closer.

*I know*



ooc: EEEEEEEEEE you made me weepy.

[birthrightgreen.livejournal.com]

She relaxed then, tension easing out of her. It was okay if she couldn't say it, yet. He knew.

Just what he knew and the depth of it she wasn't ready to examine too closely. But he knew. There was peace there, in the not hiding. In sharing that part of herself with him. Not anything she'd ever felt peace about before, but she trusted him with that part of her, and that in and of itself said more than any words could. She wondered briefly if he knew that.

Her lips danced over his neck again, a soft kiss.

ooc: awwwww. weepy?

[http://users.livejournal.com/_deadlydance_/]

Quietly he dimmed the lights, doing his best to sheild her from unhppy thoughts with his arms, and a cover of warm darkness. The soothing kind.


His hands stroked quietly through her hair.

[birthrightgreen.livejournal.com]

It was soothing, comforting, to be held. The warmth of him, the scents of their lovemaking. The taste of him on her lips and the feel of him all around her. She didn't want to move away, and snuggled closer, breathing more easily again.

[http://users.livejournal.com/_deadlydance_/]

"Let's not move all night," his lips teased and tempted against her skin.

[birthrightgreen.livejournal.com]

She shivered a bit at the teasing, smiling against his skin, and then letting her lips tease back.

"I like that plan..." Only with the tempting, she wriggled. Just a bit. Some movement might not be so bad.

[http://users.livejournal.com/_deadlydance_/]

He laughed into her hair.

"Although your plan appears to have many merits as well."

[birthrightgreen.livejournal.com]

She laughed a little, nuzzling his jaw and wriggling her hips again.

"We could make it a pact to not move out of the bed?"

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They very thought made him purr.

"How am I supposed to disagree with that?"

[birthrightgreen.livejournal.com]

"Well, I was really hopin' you weren't going to..."

They seemed to make that pact fairly often.

She liked that about him.

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His hands moved down her back, gently stroking over warm skin.

[birthrightgreen.livejournal.com]

She smiled and moved her lips to his, kissing him softly, gently.

[http://users.livejournal.com/_deadlydance_/]

There was much to be said for brash, easger passion.

But there was just as much to be said, and felt, for this.

[birthrightgreen.livejournal.com]

She smiled softly against his lips, stroking his cheek, letting lips and fingers say what she couldn't give voice to yet.

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He pushed the kiss a bit deeper. Still lazy. Still soft.

But deeper.

[birthrightgreen.livejournal.com]

She purred her appreciation for that, lips parting for him, legs shifting a bit to settle more comfortably against him.

[http://users.livejournal.com/_deadlydance_/]

He rolled them again, so that this time they were both on their sides, still wrapped close against each other as one hand moved to the curve of her hip.