What is the most dangerous thing you have ever done?

[birthrightgreen]

I was an assassin, sugar. Am an assassin, even if I'm without clients at the moment. I understood danger. Danger understood me. Admittedly, I did what I could to reduce the danger as often as possible, of course. I'm not an idiot. I'm not a thrill seeker. Usually. When things were bad with Sadi, I avoided him. I liked to kill from afar, so no one could tie it to me. A death spell, usually, more than my knife, for all the blade's my favorite weapon. I admit there were some rooms that got splattered, occasionally. Sometimes... *shrugs* It happens.

But the most dangerous? Sugar, that's easy. I went with Daemon into Terreille. To Dorothea and Hekatah's camp. I wanted to help. They were--are--my family, too. Those bitches had them. They'd sent us proof of that in the form of Uncle Saetan's little finger. I couldn't just sit there and do nothing. But danger? You'd best believe that. They'd already captured and confined Lucivar and Uncle Saetan. They'd held Daemon for 1700 years. I could have killed Dorothea one on one. Could have sent Hekatah to her final death. I was stronger, and I wasn't Ringed, but I couldn't take them both out at once, and had no way to do it otherwise without alerting the other and signing everyone's death warrant.

Daemon found me before I had a chance to slip away. When I realized he was going, I told him to take me with him. He said I could be useful, but I had no idea what exactly he'd need me for. All the way to the outside of Dorothea's camp he was himself. Sadi. Then he changed. Darkness help me, I thought I'd danced with the Sadist before. I hadn't until then. I've never seen anyone change so quickly. I thought. I thought what he wanted me to think. I fell for the act. I doubted him.

He needed me to be convincing. Sugar, believe me. I was. Spitting mad, and angry enough at him to not feel the fear I should have felt. Angry that I thought he'd betrayed me. Angry that I'd believed him. Angry enough that I didn't trust my gut, didn't know. I faltered and the fact that that's what he needed me to do doesn't help.

I look back and I don't know if I could have carried the scene against Uncle Saetan's pain. His disillusionment. Would I have been able to see that and not offer him some comfort? And if there was any relief, from any of us, they would have sensed it.

But at the time, I was furious. We were there. Saetan and Lucivar were chained. He gave me to her, to Dorothea. Shadows of Marian and Daemonar, but sickening all the same, what was done to them. Tortured. Killed. And he was able to just smile that cold smile of his. I was crying and I didn't even realize it. For them. For him. Only when he came for me the next night did I think to fear for me. To finally actually think of the danger I was in. Somehow the chains and the guards and those spiteful bitches hadn't hammered through my head that fact. But the look in his eyes did.

Of course, that was the time I was safest. What they thought he did to me made sure of that. When he finally told me what he'd done. What he needed me to do. Where Marian and Daemonar were. Then came my part and the most danger. Then I had to act. Act like he'd raped me. Act like I was pregnant. Act like I was broken. Broken and bruised and torn apart emotionally and physically. No longer able to access my Jewels. Dorothea bought it.

Lucivar didn't. That fact, that he didn't buy it? Makes me know more than anything Daemon was right to not let me in on the plan.

But the rest of them bought it. *wry* The limping bits were real at least. I made him make sure of that. I think it hurt him more than me. I played my part. Lucivar played his, even after he realized what the game was. I almost got stopped at the end of the day. A guard, thinking to play with Sadi's leftovers. Hitting him with the Gray would have alerted everyone and the knife would have taken time I didn't have. Graysfang was there, sight-shielded. I didn't realize until he told me to drop. Then he ripped the guard's throat out.

We got Marian and Daemonar. We caught the Red. We went home. Lucivar followed. Then Saetan and Daemon.

There were consequences. There always are. Some of them ought not to have happened. Some of them had to.

And some of them need to stop.

He Served. He did what his Queen asked of him. He saved your fucking hides and you'd damn well better realize that and stop the pettiness. The coldness. Treating him like he did something unforgivable. He did what a Consort is supposed to do for his Queen and you all should be grateful he was able to do it so thoroughly and well.

And the next person to say differently? Will have me to answer to.

Then, sugar? We'll see what you have to say about dangerous situations.

Comments

[birthrightgreen.livejournal.com]

She smiled against his lips. "I thought you felt pretty good already, sugar."

[http://users.livejournal.com/_deadlydance_/]

He kissed her again, quickly. That was an excellent point.

[birthrightgreen.livejournal.com]

She kissed him back, murmuring his name. Her arms wrapped around his neck.

[http://users.livejournal.com/_deadlydance_/]

For no reason at all, he chuckled again at the image of her in the park with Greysfang -- and the pigeons.

[birthrightgreen.livejournal.com]

She pulled back, looking at him quizzically.

[http://users.livejournal.com/_deadlydance_/]

"I love you," he repeated. For that seemed to cover things. He simply wanted her to hear it again, as well.

[birthrightgreen.livejournal.com]

She flushed, light in her eyes. "And that's amusing?"

[http://users.livejournal.com/_deadlydance_/]

"No, he clarified warmly. "That makes me extremely happy."

[birthrightgreen.livejournal.com]

She kissed him softly. "Me too."

[http://users.livejournal.com/_deadlydance_/]

He reached for the blankets again, murmering the discussed words more, over her exposed skin.

[birthrightgreen.livejournal.com]

She shivered to hear them, closing her eyes. Her lips slid to his ear, kissing gently.

[http://users.livejournal.com/_deadlydance_/]

He pulled back, brushing her hair back from her face, suddenly a bit more serious.

"How can I keep helping make this home?"

[birthrightgreen.livejournal.com]

She shook her head a little. "You've done more than enough. I'm used to being...transient. It takes me a little while to feel at home somewhere."

[http://users.livejournal.com/_deadlydance_/]

"Yes, well," he admitted quietly. "I don't want you running off on me."

It was as close as he would get to addrressing the impact of his admition.

[birthrightgreen.livejournal.com]

She frowned a little, reaching to brush his hair back from his forehead.

"I'm not running off," she said quietly.

[http://users.livejournal.com/_deadlydance_/]

He kissed her again.

"No skittering either."

[birthrightgreen.livejournal.com]

'I'm not going anywhere." She returned his kiss firmly.

[http://users.livejournal.com/_deadlydance_/]

He smiled into her kiss.

"I still might not let you out of my sight the next few days."

[birthrightgreen.livejournal.com]

Her fingertips traced down his cheek. "Promise?"

[http://users.livejournal.com/_deadlydance_/]

He pulled back again, eyes on hers.

"Don't I look serious?"

[birthrightgreen.livejournal.com]

Slow smile. "You do."

[http://users.livejournal.com/_deadlydance_/]

There was that wicked grin.

[birthrightgreen.livejournal.com]

She traced it with her fingers.

[http://users.livejournal.com/_deadlydance_/]

He nipped at her fingers.

[birthrightgreen.livejournal.com]

She giggled, a flash of the girl she might have been had circumstances been different in her life.