5 Questions from Uncle Saetan

1)what makes you laugh?

I'm working on figuring this one out. Graysfang does. Playing with him, talking to him. Teasing Sam's son about things I ought not was amusing. I think it's quite possible I don't laugh nearly enough. There wasn't much call for it before, so I have to learn now.

2)which is your favorite season of the year?

Late spring/early summer. When the streets finally don't have snow on them anymore, and flowers are blooming. It's warm, but not hot. Everything just feels more alive.

3)do you ever wish you had a Jewel or caste other than the one you bear?

Not Jewel. I mean, being stronger would have been nice from time to time, but the Grey is fairly dark. Different caste, though. A lot of times. A Healer. A Priestess. I've never wanted to be a Queen, but the Craft and gifts of the others are fascinating. It would be nice to be able to create something, heal something, rather than just destroy.

4)do you find it easier to say 'yes' or 'no' when someone asks you if they look all right(and the true answer is 'horrible'?)

It depends on the person. If it's someone I care for, I'll try and be honest. Help fix what can be fixed. If the person doesn't matter, it's easier just to lie.

5)you've said what you're willing to give up to have a child. What do you expect to change or gain in return?

...Something that's mine. Something to carry on my mother's blood. The feeling of having created something, with someone I love, that makes our lives richer. The chance to nurture a life, watch it grow. To build a family and a home of my own. To...settle somewhat instead of feeling...aimless most days.


I suppose this means if anyone wants me to ask them questions, go ahead.

(no subject)

It was odd to be back at the Hall, after so many months away. Graysfang was grateful for it, bounding through the yard and gardens and trying to drag her outside at every chance he got.

*It's so much better than the park, Surreal*

She felt a flash of guilt that she'd stayed so long in Amdarh, more that he'd felt bound to stay with her most of the time. She'd tried to explain about the Realm, which confused him a bit, but when she promised lots of forests and a beach and plenty of room to run, he'd brightened back up. Clearly, the Realm was better than Amdarh, even if it was still away from his pack. Surreal was his pack now, as far as he was concerned.

He'd tolerate Prince Samael. Grudgingly. Not for any dislike of the man who still confused him despite Daemon's explanations, but out of simple wariness that he took so much of Surreal's time. But it would be different once she was pregnant. She wouldn't be able to use her Jewels and he'd have to protect her.

That part made him almost prance as he walked in front of her down the paths.

She chuckled, wondering what he was thinking, following more slowly. It was a beautiful day, peaceful. Normally the quiet would drive her mad, but with the family and Coven mostly here, the Hall itself wasn't exactly quiet.

The found a likely spot for playing, around the statues and the pond. Surreal scooped up a stick and threw it for him and the game of fetch began. Last time they'd tried this in the park there'd been an incident. Stupid little witch to shriek so at the poor wolf. He really hadn't meant her kitten any harm. But it wasn't Kindred and it hadn't understood that the wolf was just trying to be friendly, and had run from his mistress who'd started swinging her ridiculously frilled parasol at the poor wolf who'd thought it was a game.

Surreal almost giggled, remembering it. Aristos were so easy to disconcert sometimes, she thought, completely ignoring her membership in the premiere aristo family in Kaeleer. Family, yes. She could accept that. The aristo part she still had problems with, knowing it wasn't the life she was born to, status of her mother, and father, notwithstanding.

Another toss of the stick, and she settled on the grass to watch Graysfang cavort. He'd probably prod her into being more active in a bit, but for now she just wanted to enjoy the gardens, feel the land, and wonder just what the price would be if she left. Wasn't like she couldn't get back easily, anytime she chose, from the Realm. Simple really. Easier than coming home from Amdarh, and faster. But to make her place of residence somewhere else...

For the transitory soul, it was rather disconcerting to discover how deep she'd already buried her roots here. She frowned a bit and rubbed Graysfang behind the ears when he bounded back to her. A slobbering kiss to her cheek a moment later, and then he was off again. She smiled ruefully and wiped at her cheek. At least she'd have him, if she went. But the ache didn't ease at the thought of leaving the rest of them. She sighed, and rested her chin on her knees, trying to get the peaceful feeling back from the churning she'd stirred up inside.

(ooc: open if anyone would like to play, or it can just stand as a "where she is emotionally" piece)

Missing You

I don't even have to close my eyes, sugar. This one's easy. Or maybe I should close them, just to ease back the tears. I don't cry often, but this...when I do it's often this.

My mother. Every second of every day. There's this ache in my chest that won't go away, no matter how hard I try. A hole there, that's never been filled. And I can try and fill it with lovers and with blood and with dangerous escapades, and even with the thought of a child, but the hole won't be filled.

I missed her all my life. Missed her when I was forced to the streets as she had been. Missed her when I was training in the Red Moon house Daemon had me apprenticed to. Missed her as I traveled Terreille, searching for her people, where she came from. Missed her as I stood on a garden path in Challiot and had a little girl tell me that Titian sent her love.

I missed her as I stood in the Hall, on the other side of Uncle Saetan's study door and waited to go through. I missed her when I left to go back into Terreille with Daemon, wishing I could see her before I left, because there was a chance, albeit slim, that I would be killed, the final death, sent back into the Darkness and not even able to join her in Hell.

And since coming back...since knowing that even that chance is gone...that even when my time to die comes and if I make the transition to demon dead...

She won't be there. She's gone. Utterly. Completely. Fed back into the Darkness to help save us all and I understand why she went. I do. I would have made the same choice in her position. But that doesn't stop the ache. The knowing she's gone. That I'll never talk to her again. Never see her face. Hear her laugh.

She'll never see my child. Won't be there to hold her, or him. She won't be there the nine months I carry the child to tell me about what she felt when she carried me. To encourage me. To listen to my fears, and my joys, and share hers.

And I know I have family. I'm not alone, not like I was the first time she was taken.

But I miss her. I want to see her again. To be with her. We had so very little time. It's not fair, and the mere fact that those words can be torn out of me who's known for nearly 400 years how unfair the world is, who sees how it's not been fair to those I love, who's seen some of the darkest things to ever be done to people...I get the irony, sugar. It's not something I say often. Life isn't fair, and I know that well.

But it's the cry of a child, lost in the dark. It's not fair. I want my mother.

Nearly 400 years, and I haven't been able to silence that child's voice. The more recent loss just makes it louder, and cuts the joy with a bittersweet edge.

ooc: Obviously, we're having NO respect for timeline or plot continuity in TM RP here, but really. What else is Surreal going to say? And given our lack of a Titian, in game, I think it's one that cuts across all versions of her.