birthrightgreen | What he's thinking....

I know what most people think of me. At least most of "society" as it's made up both in Terreille and even still here. They look at me and see my former profession. Whore. Not enough of them know of the other to see that side. The males away from the Coven get this look in their eyes, sometimes. Speculation and lust combined with something darker. What would I let them do to me? What could they get away with? And ought they do such to someone under the protection of Saetan SaDiablo? They generally decide that the latter risk outweighs the potential for what they could get away with, and thus they tend to leave me alone.

But I move through them here, looking for those that might be spies for Dorothea. Looking for anyone who threatens Jaenelle. And all I see is their eyes following me with the same thought and I know that the poison that's corrupted the Blood of Terreille has come here to Kaeleer. What I'm not sure of yet is how deep it runs, or how we can stop it from ruining the Shadow Realm as it has the Realm of Light.

The one person I'm unsure of, as always, is Daemon. Perhaps it's silly to be unsure. Likely it's my own guilt still niggling there. We seem to be back to where we were all those centuries, as if our efforts for Jaenelle and my care of him, when he'd let me, while he was in the Twisted Kingdom healed the old wounds. But you don't live in fear of someone for 50 years without lingering repercussions. You don't do something so incredibly stupid that it costs you your dearest friend--your only friend--without lingering doubt.

Not even I can be that cold inside.

I know what I did was wrong. We've never discussed it. Always things more pressing. People to help. Our jobs to do, such as they were and are. And he's happy now, with his chance with Jaenelle. They're still so unsure sometimes...I don't want to be in the way of their healing each other. So, perhaps it's best I'm in Amdarh away from the Hall, or at Sam's Tower, away from Kaeleer.

I don't know what he thinks. What he remembers. I don't want the coldness, the darkness that we let--that I let come between us wound the chance he has now at happiness. I don't want to tear the family I've found apart, or have any of them looking at me the way others do.

I don't want them, or him, to look at me and think what I see in the men of Amdarh and Little Terreille's eyes.

Whore.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

From one former whore to another, dear, I encourage you to ignore the idiots and live your life. But you will let me know if any of these little-minded men molests you at all, won't you?

As for the past, well... don't you think it's something best left there?

If anyone molests me, they won't live long enough for me to need to tell you about it.

If it's truly there and not just shoved there to be ignored.

That's my girl.

And, well, as you've not been sufficiently unwise to seek out the less pleasant side of my personality, I would think it would be.

Don't be patronizing, Sadi. I'm neither a girl, nor yours.

But if I were to be so unwise, suddenly the past would resurface? So it's not truly there then, if it's solely contingent on my present activities.

*quietly* The Sadist is always under the surface, Surreal. Knowing not to rouse him is a lesson you've learned, yes?

And the Sadist never makes a mistake in comprehending who's done something to deserve his sting.

Yes, Sadi. I've learned my lesson well.

Very good. Well, that seems settled.

As you say.

Is it just my ears, or is that tone telling me just the opposite?

That I've learned a very valuable lesson is settled.

That the past isn't past is settled.

And that you're too blinded by what was done to you to see anything clearly for what it was is settled.

What did you think was settled?

*snarls in frustration* What are you looking for, Surreal? You want forgiveness? Want me to say you were young, drunk and not nearly as smart as you are now? Yes, I understand that well.

Do you want me to say that if you were foolish enough to do it again, nothing would change? Only one person in any Realm is safe from the Sadist, Surreal, and you're not her.

Nevermind.

You've made things perfectly clear.

Thank you.

As always, Surreal, it's been... well, anything but dull.

It's certainly been educational.

What he's thinking....

Oh, so meta

Re: Oh, so meta

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Re: Oh, so meta

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Re: Oh, so meta

Re: Oh, so meta

Re: Oh, so meta