Comfort

[birthrightgreen]

It's a welcome feeling when my fingers curl around the handle. Familiar. Comforting. I remember the first one she handed me, the first time I wielded it, trying to imitate her movements, jerky, off balance. I was frustrated. She was patient. It didn't help in the end, not really. She was still gone, though I carried it with me, the bone handle cutting deep into my palm where I clutched it too tightly. It was crude, that first weapon, and I couldn't call it to my hands when he bound them and held me down.

I was too stunned at the next. Too frightened of the one after. In too much pain with the fourth. But then came one, and my body was adjusting to what they did to it. It still hurt, but there was the ability to think under the pain, to hate. To rage. To call it in and wrap my hand around it and plunge it deep into his back until he bled as much as I did the first time.

There were others, and people learned. They talked. The plotted, but no one cared enough to stop me. Then he came and there was training and there were teachers. It became a dance in and of itself and separated from the basic needs of survival it became a release. Grace and beauty under the brutality of the movement. Anyone can watch a fencing match and see the beauty, but the grace in the movement of a smaller blade is often lost. Far too often it is used for only one thing, though there are some who can see the beauty in the patterns it can trace on skin as it slices it away. Precision in the cuts. A twist of the wrist. The sure knowledge that the thin blade has done damage no surgeon can repair, slicing a triangle in the heart that can't be stitched closed.

A beautiful instrument ornamented, decorative and deceptively harmless looking, but it delivers death, swift and sure. It's always with me, and there will be none who take what I'm not willing to give ever again.

Comments

[sapphirewitch.livejournal.com]

I can see how that would be comforting. Knowing that you can take care of yourself and not have to ask anyone for help. *smiles softly*

[birthrightgreen.livejournal.com]

It's not something I'd ever choose to lose, no.

[sapphirewitch.livejournal.com]

But to have that option alone. Its daunting for someone who has never had the skills you posess Surreal. The ability to take care of yourself. To Defend Yourself from any and everyone you choose. Its a lot different than being scared all the time of everything.

[birthrightgreen.livejournal.com]

The skill I possess with the knife is one I learned. I made it an option.

If you wish options, wish not to be scared, then you should see about learning what you wish to know.

[sapphirewitch.livejournal.com]

*smiles* Lucivar has offered to teach me. It has become an option for me as well now. Though learning a new skill takes time. Sometimes you dont have enough.

[birthrightgreen.livejournal.com]

*arches an eyebrow* Lucivar offered to teach you?

[sapphirewitch.livejournal.com]

He did. I was quite surprised at the offer. I think Jaenelle put him up to it though. She said he always wants to throttle those who dont want to train with him. I'd much rather train than be throttled.

[birthrightgreen.livejournal.com]

*slightly confused smile, but nods* He'd threaten...but he wouldn't dare.

[sapphirewitch.livejournal.com]

I didnt realize that Eyriens made idle threats. I decided to take Jaenelle's word for it. *confused look* I would imagine the dunking in the nearest body of water is a threat as well?

[birthrightgreen.livejournal.com]

*wry smile*

No, that would be fact, from what I've heard.

He's never tried it with me.

[sapphirewitch.livejournal.com]

Oh .. *stifled laugh* Well I would think I would be wet all the time if that were the case. He seems awfully intimidating to me.

[birthrightgreen.livejournal.com]

*snorts*

He's an arrogant Eryien male. He tries to intimidate everyone.

[sapphirewitch.livejournal.com]

It doesn't seem as though many are all that intimidated by him. You seen indifferent. Jaenelle is snarly back at him. Daemon I dont think is afraid of anyone.

[http://users.livejournal.com/_deadlydance_/]

Your weapon may comfort you Surreal, but you are much of what comforts me.

[birthrightgreen.livejournal.com]

...And now I feel I should have said something else...

[http://users.livejournal.com/_deadlydance_/]

You said exactly as you should have. That strength is part of what I admire so.

[birthrightgreen.livejournal.com]

*small smile*

That's good to know.

[http://users.livejournal.com/_deadlydance_/]

Just as your smile is good to see.

[birthrightgreen.livejournal.com]

*brighter smile*

Have I been neglecting to show it lately?

[http://users.livejournal.com/_deadlydance_/]

No. I just try and appreciate each one, all on their own.

[birthrightgreen.livejournal.com]

*grins*

I'll have to make sure to show more of them, then, sugar.

[http://users.livejournal.com/_deadlydance_/]

I will happily take advantage of every one you offer.

[birthrightgreen.livejournal.com]

Well now we're talking about taking advantage?

[http://users.livejournal.com/_deadlydance_/]

With you? Taking advantage?

I am often thinking it as well.

[birthrightgreen.livejournal.com]

Mmm. Are you now?