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birthrightgreenWell, now, sugar, that depends on the people you're asking. Family and friends or acquaintances and strangers? There's a wide chasm between the perceptions there. With family and friends, generally what you see is what you get. With others, let's just say I learned a long time ago to hide behind a smile and to let myself appear to be whatever it was they wanted me to be. It was part of the job to create the fantasy, the illusion, and I was very good at it.
What they actually perceive? Probably they look and see a whore. They all know what I used to do. My name is too well known in both Realms for that to be secret. And that gives them general ideas of what they think I should be. Weak and passive, to let men use me instead of taking my own pleasure. Easy, that I'll spread my legs for anyone and anything. Avaricious, to sell my body and take money for sex. Manipulative social climber, to have talked my way into one of the most prominent aristo families in Kaeleer. I've heard whispers some think I slept my way in, that the males want someone on hand, should their wives turn them away.
I used the first two to my advantage for 350 years. I can't snub my nose at them now. I was stronger than most of my clients, but it wouldn't have done to let them know that. They had aggressive, dominating females at home they served. They took from me what they couldn't get from them. It was how it was. It was how I made my living. I don't regret it now. Everything has a price, and that my reputation follows me is the price I paid for staying alive and taking what control I could back of my life.
My family and friends don't see that, I don't think. Don't perceive me that way. They all know of the second occupation that the first was a cover for. They know about the knives and the poisons and the blood and the death. Maybe not the details, but at least in general. Daemon knows most of the details, though even he may not know about my fondness for the witchblood as a weapon.
My family would tell you I'm stubborn. Snarly. Opinionated. Difficult. Hopefully, they'd tell you I'm loyal as well. Prickly sometimes gets substituted for snarly. Someone told me once he thought I wanted to be male. He almost lost his balls for saying it, which he would have said proved his point. My family knows nothing could be farther from the truth.
[locked from the family]Sometimes, I wonder though, who sees beneath that. I'd like to think the family does. Oh, I'm not saying I'm not prickly and stubborn and difficult. I am, and there's no getting around that. But even that's not all I am. But I don't let them see that. Not the tears. Not the aching loneliness. Not the desire to for once have something and someone I can call mine. To have a place that is mine. To build something rather than just destroy. Life instead of death. Sometimes, they catch glimpses, but I wonder just how much they know. If they don't, then that's all on me...and I don't know if I want them to see.
What they actually perceive? Probably they look and see a whore. They all know what I used to do. My name is too well known in both Realms for that to be secret. And that gives them general ideas of what they think I should be. Weak and passive, to let men use me instead of taking my own pleasure. Easy, that I'll spread my legs for anyone and anything. Avaricious, to sell my body and take money for sex. Manipulative social climber, to have talked my way into one of the most prominent aristo families in Kaeleer. I've heard whispers some think I slept my way in, that the males want someone on hand, should their wives turn them away.
I used the first two to my advantage for 350 years. I can't snub my nose at them now. I was stronger than most of my clients, but it wouldn't have done to let them know that. They had aggressive, dominating females at home they served. They took from me what they couldn't get from them. It was how it was. It was how I made my living. I don't regret it now. Everything has a price, and that my reputation follows me is the price I paid for staying alive and taking what control I could back of my life.
My family and friends don't see that, I don't think. Don't perceive me that way. They all know of the second occupation that the first was a cover for. They know about the knives and the poisons and the blood and the death. Maybe not the details, but at least in general. Daemon knows most of the details, though even he may not know about my fondness for the witchblood as a weapon.
My family would tell you I'm stubborn. Snarly. Opinionated. Difficult. Hopefully, they'd tell you I'm loyal as well. Prickly sometimes gets substituted for snarly. Someone told me once he thought I wanted to be male. He almost lost his balls for saying it, which he would have said proved his point. My family knows nothing could be farther from the truth.
[locked from the family]Sometimes, I wonder though, who sees beneath that. I'd like to think the family does. Oh, I'm not saying I'm not prickly and stubborn and difficult. I am, and there's no getting around that. But even that's not all I am. But I don't let them see that. Not the tears. Not the aching loneliness. Not the desire to for once have something and someone I can call mine. To have a place that is mine. To build something rather than just destroy. Life instead of death. Sometimes, they catch glimpses, but I wonder just how much they know. If they don't, then that's all on me...and I don't know if I want them to see.
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*smiles* Yes, it is
Date: 2006-05-05 05:13 pm (UTC)Re: *smiles* Yes, it is
Date: 2006-05-05 05:17 pm (UTC)Is that what the rumors are saying, sugar?
That gets around and there might be bloodshed.
I serve in whichever way Jaenelle needs me. Warrior if she wishes. Lately I've been in Amdarh moving among the aristos, listening to any of those rumors that might interest her.
Re: *smiles* Yes, it is
Date: 2006-05-05 05:32 pm (UTC)Ahh.
Don't we all? Turning serious. I go where I'm needed. Been trying to learn more of what the kindred might need, if hurt or ill, though they rarely ask for help on their own account.
Re: *smiles* Yes, it is
Date: 2006-05-05 05:39 pm (UTC)Healer to the Kindred? That's fascinating. Have you found it to be much different? Are they able to help you understand the differences?
Re: *smiles* Yes, it is
Date: 2006-05-05 10:05 pm (UTC)Very different, in terms of what sort of Craft will help them if they're ill. Some medicines we wouldn't think twice about taking would make them dreadfully ill, and vice versa. The trust between us is strong enough that they don't mind my questions, luckily. I'm far from being as knowledgeable as Jaenelle, but we're making progress.