For Samael

[birthrightgreen]

She was pacing. She'd been pacing. Ladies had made them stop talking, and it needed to be talked about. Or not. It could just be ignored, really. They didn't have to talk about it.

It probably was too soon. It had only been a few months of just them. They hadn't even moved in together, though they didn't really spend that much time apart, shifting back and forth between the two.

But this? This was big. This was life changing. This was...someone would have to move, probably. And her family might...Mother Night and may the Darkness be merciful. There'd be flailing. Would they let her leave? Would they trust him to protect her while she was vulnerable? Or would Daemon go all...things hadn't really gone well between he and Sam after all.

Was she even ready to be a mother?

Could she be? All those years of whoring and she'd never gotten pregnant and protection wasn't full proof and most whores did at some point.

Had there been too much damage, from too much...from how young she'd been? She'd heard of such. Witches speared too young who were never able to conceive.

The thought that it might be the case caused a shot of pain she wouldn't have expected. Whores didn't want children. But she wasn't a whore anymore. And the thought of holding a daughter--or son--of her own made her glow with a warmth she hadn't ever felt before. Longing, sharp and making her breath catch with how strong the craving was.

She nibbled on her lip, then grabbed a nutcake from the plate of them she'd coaxed Manny to make while she was here. That was better to nibble on, even if she wasn't hungry. She shifted to the window, watching for him, trying to ignore the clenching in her stomach.

Comments

[oldestbeloved.livejournal.com]

He nodded, slowly, a little worried. A little nervous.

"Which would you prefer?"

[birthrightgreen.livejournal.com]

"I would prefer to be with you, were I pregnant with your child."

She was sure about that.

[oldestbeloved.livejournal.com]

"At the Tower? It could be arranged that I come to stay with you..."

[birthrightgreen.livejournal.com]

"The family...my family...they'd want me here, I'd think." But they could get over that. "I mean, it might be easier, but this isn't your home. I could...I could come to the Tower."

She wondered briefly if anyone would even notice the change.

[oldestbeloved.livejournal.com]

"It might be safer at the Tower," he nodded a little. Mostly at the safe. "And you would be able to go... anywhere you liked, really."

[birthrightgreen.livejournal.com]

"They'd like that..." She fiddled with her hair a bit. "And it's...well. It would be safer. And easier, even, to get to the Hall than from here, likely."

[oldestbeloved.livejournal.com]

He nodded. "As easy as stepping through a door."

[birthrightgreen.livejournal.com]

"And they could come see me, if they wished to?"

[oldestbeloved.livejournal.com]

"Of course."

[birthrightgreen.livejournal.com]

She bit her lip, suddenly looking a lot younger. "And Graysfang?"

[oldestbeloved.livejournal.com]

"What about him... does he have any special needs we should be aware of?"

[birthrightgreen.livejournal.com]

She shook her head a little bit. "No, I was just making sure he could....come to the Tower. Though we'd have to let him through to go home sometimes if he wanted to see the pack."

[oldestbeloved.livejournal.com]

"Of course." Sliding an arm around her shoulders, rubbing her arm lightly. "I had assumed he would be coming with you, if he wanted."

[birthrightgreen.livejournal.com]

"I'd have to ask....but he wouldn't want me to go without him."

[oldestbeloved.livejournal.com]

"All right, then." Soft kiss to her temple.

[birthrightgreen.livejournal.com]

She leaned into him, wrapping her arms around him. "Yes."

[oldestbeloved.livejournal.com]

He snuggled up to her, cradling her protectively. Eyes still a little wide.

"So..."

He swallowed.

[birthrightgreen.livejournal.com]

She bit her lip, and took a deep breath.

"So. We...are we..is this something we're ready for?"

[oldestbeloved.livejournal.com]

"I'm not sure anyone's ever ready for it," he admitted, rueful. "But. Inasmuch as anyone can be, as any couple can be... yes. I think we are."

His mind had a litany of ohgodohgodohgod somewhere in back.

"I think we should do this."

[birthrightgreen.livejournal.com]

She smiled, slow and then a bit bigger and she threw her arms around his neck.

"Me too."

[oldestbeloved.livejournal.com]

He grinned, somewhere between nervous and goofy, and hugged her tight.

Then kissed her quite thoroughly.

[birthrightgreen.livejournal.com]

She returned the kiss with a gleeful grin.