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I haven't had much of an occasion to sacrifice things, sugar. Not for love at least. The things I did for Daemon weren't sacrifices. They were just what you do for your family. It didn't cost me anything, and it filled something inside of me that I've never wanted to look too closely at.
Wasn't a sacrifice to weave the death spell for the uncles coming after me and Jaenelle. It was my job. Killing men like them is what I do.
Falonar...There wasn't love there, so any sacrifices I made were perhaps in the search for love, which really just flashes back to my own selfish need to think that I actually mattered to someone in that way.
But now I do. And now he does. And I can say that I know what it is to love and be loved.
And that's terrifying.
It's so tempting to run. Every fiber of me screams at me to do it. Don't open up. Don't let someone in that close. Don't tell him your secrets. Don't ask for his. Don't walk away from the dreams you've held on to.
I could have listened. I could have stayed locked up in my world, doing what needed doing, nursing dreams that didn't keep me warm at night and hadn't any hope of coming true. But they were mine, and they were safe because I'd held on to them for so long. They were sure. I could have kept accepting a half sort of a relationship and pretending that it filled those places that needed filling. Maybe I could have even convinced myself I was happy.
It might not have been perfect, but it would have been safe. I would have been content.
Greatest sacrifice I ever made for love was that safety. Walking away from it. Letting it go. For both its sake and mine, truly. Let it go to do and be what it needed to be, and found myself without a net. Pushed enough for who I needed to be that sudden cataclysmic things shifted around us and everything changed in what felt like the space of a few heartbeats.
Nothing to catch me if I fall. Just me and him. And the truth is, neither of us has a clue what we're doing. We know how to play all the games but this one. Because suddenly it's not a game. It's just us.
It's a daily sacrifice, really, walking away from the net. But I keep making it, and I'll keep making it until doing anything else would be inconceivable.
Wasn't a sacrifice to weave the death spell for the uncles coming after me and Jaenelle. It was my job. Killing men like them is what I do.
Falonar...There wasn't love there, so any sacrifices I made were perhaps in the search for love, which really just flashes back to my own selfish need to think that I actually mattered to someone in that way.
But now I do. And now he does. And I can say that I know what it is to love and be loved.
And that's terrifying.
It's so tempting to run. Every fiber of me screams at me to do it. Don't open up. Don't let someone in that close. Don't tell him your secrets. Don't ask for his. Don't walk away from the dreams you've held on to.
I could have listened. I could have stayed locked up in my world, doing what needed doing, nursing dreams that didn't keep me warm at night and hadn't any hope of coming true. But they were mine, and they were safe because I'd held on to them for so long. They were sure. I could have kept accepting a half sort of a relationship and pretending that it filled those places that needed filling. Maybe I could have even convinced myself I was happy.
It might not have been perfect, but it would have been safe. I would have been content.
Greatest sacrifice I ever made for love was that safety. Walking away from it. Letting it go. For both its sake and mine, truly. Let it go to do and be what it needed to be, and found myself without a net. Pushed enough for who I needed to be that sudden cataclysmic things shifted around us and everything changed in what felt like the space of a few heartbeats.
Nothing to catch me if I fall. Just me and him. And the truth is, neither of us has a clue what we're doing. We know how to play all the games but this one. Because suddenly it's not a game. It's just us.
It's a daily sacrifice, really, walking away from the net. But I keep making it, and I'll keep making it until doing anything else would be inconceivable.
