Secrets--Private

For most of my life, I thought I was in love with Daemon Sadi. I trusted him. I wanted him. The world was better when he was around. As far as I knew, that was what being in love was. But it's not good for business for whores to love, and the truth is that we were both whores--he because of force, me because of necessity. There would have been no future for us together, had he even desired such a thing.

He never did.

But late at night when my clients slept or had left, I used to dream of what life would be like with him by my side. He was family. He was safe. He...well, made me actually be willing to entertain thoughts of recreational sex. His voice alone can make a woman quiver with desire.

And me? I thought that was what love was.

But I was practical and he was waiting for Witch and hated women who wanted him. So, I settled for being his sister, but always in my heart was that secret wish.

Then I saw him with Jaenelle. And I saw the way he looked at her and the way she looked at him and how no one else in the world existed when their eyes met. And I knew. What I'd felt...what I feel for Daemon...it is love, but I'm not in love with him. There's a difference. That passion. That need. That...whatever it is between them was never between us.

I've never felt that.

I want to someday with someone.

I'm not sure which part of that I want kept more secret.