Catch up: Money, Fame, or Happiness

Well, sugar, they each have their uses. Life's difficult without money, even with Craft. I spent my first ten years in a shack that was always cold, no matter how many warming spells we put on it. Saw men coming in daily to use my mother as they pleased, tossing her a few coins that at least kept food on the table, sometimes, if not warm clothes on our backs. I got away from that for two years, but then spent the next three on the streets. I grew up hard and fast there, rutting for coins to keep my body fed in dark back alley rooms.

When I apprenticed at my first Red Moon house things were better. There was food. Books. Warmth. And a way to earn a living in nicer surroundings. I worked hard, and that's where Fame came in. Wasn't no one in Terreille that didn't know my name by the time I retired. I was by far the most expensive whore in the territories. I traveled a lot, due to my other, even more lucrative, contracts. Everytime I'd get to a house, there'd be a stack of requests waiting from men who were just waiting for me to come back to their little town.

Fame. Money. I had them both for over three hundred years. You'd think that'd be enough to erase the memory of those thirteen, but it wasn't.

The fame still comes in handy when I need to make an impression, or just shock someone. Of course, here in Kaeleer, there's an easier way to do that. Just mention my family name and watch them pale. All sorts of fun. I made enough, saved enough to keep me comfortable for a long while. Figure there might still be some need for the other profession, if things get too tight. If the boyos don't throttle me for even suggesting they might. I'll say this for family. It's good to know there's a place to go if things do get tight. A roof to stay under and food to eat. I keep asking permission first. I think Daemon almost walloped me last time. I'll adjust.

So fame and money are fairly taken care of, sugar. And that leaves happiness.

I can't say I know much about that one. I've been content. I've been amused. I've felt loved by my family, those times I don't want to drive a knife into their ribs out of sheer frustration at their protectiveness. And even then, though Darkness knows I'd never tell them this, that protectiveness signals belonging. Love. And that's...nice. But don't let them know I said that.

I've felt joy. I've felt pleasure. I've felt the beauty and wonder of being in the presence of something so wondrous that it washes over your soul.

But I don't know that I've ever been...happy. It might, and I stress might, be nice to try. Someday.

Catch up: Dissatisfaction

Surreal curls up on the window seat in her room in the townhouse. Graysfang pads in and rests his head on her knee, looking up at her somewhat pleadingly. She looks back at him with an amused arch of her eyebrow.

*Yes, Warlord?*

*We should go back to the Hall* The puppyish whine is there but he keeps it as small as he can. *Too many humans here who don't understand Kindred*

She strokes behind his ears softly, making his eyes droop half-closed. Silly male.

*You can go, if you wish, but I like it here*

The whine is more audible now. Probably because it's out loud. *Not without you*

Stubborn male.

She understands his restlessness. There are no fields for him to run in here. Only parks to walk sedately by her side. No woods until he finds the outside of town. And the pack is all in the woods behind the Hall. Still, she wonders when he got so attached that he'd subject himself to the city for her. She likes it here, though. People. Things to do besides sit and mope about Falonar. There's Prince Rainier to go dancing with. Shopping. Spas. The theater. At the Hall...well. At the Hall it's far more obvious that everyone has paired off, which leaves her feeling a bit like a third, fifth or seventh wheel.

The wolf nudges his nose into her hand reprovingly as it stills in its blissful scratching. She smiles slightly and resumes it. An amused smile dances on her lips as she wonders if she's really considering returning to the Hall on the whims of a wolf. He didn't always travel with her, after all. He had his pack and his family and there'd been a certain look in his eye last spring as he told her about a Healer that had caught his eyes. She suspected the little Healer was at least part of his impatience to go home, only the fact that he felt a need to stick to his claim on Surreal keeping him here.

Merciful Darkness, even her wolf was focusing in on romance. She'd be amused if it wasn't so...she snarls slightly. Yes. That. Exactly.

Graysfang's ears flick back in response. No danger in the room that he can sense, so she must just be snarly. It happens. He lays down on the rug, his head on his paws, regarding her.

*Do you want me to go, Surreal?*

Mother Night. She glares at him. *I want you to suit yourself*

*I serve*

*You fuss*

*Who will protect you?*

She stares at him. He drops his eyes. He should have known that wouldn't work.

She glances back out the window, watching the people stroll by in the late afternoon sun. It's not the romance, and she knows it. It's the lack of purpose. No jobs need doing. When one isn't busy, it's easy to focus in on what life lacks. She needs a good contract, someone who needs killing. Or maybe the other, though there's no need for that now, either. She's had vacations before. Moments of leisure and pleasure. But this...inaction has been lasting. She trains, as always, keeping herself in peak fighting form, but there's nothing to fight.

"Know anyone who needs an assassin?"

Rich, warm laughter. "In Kaeleer?"

There's family at the Hall. The coven might be there. People to amuse, to train with, to distract her from her own thoughts. She looks down at the wolf.

*Maybe* It's all she's willing to concede right now. She looks back out the window.

Graysfang settles more on the rug, closing his eyes, willing to wait.