Happy News

Jun. 27th, 2006 10:11 am
birthrightgreen: (With Baby)
And after that unpleasant rant, I think it's time to give you all some happy news. I didn't want to say anything until we were sure, but we're sure now. Morghann has confirmed it and...well, even I can tell now.

Samael and I are going to have a baby!

I'm still nervous and I wish more than ever my mother were here, but this is the best thing I think has ever happened to me and I hope you all will wish us well as we start this new chapter in our lives.
birthrightgreen: (dancing in the field)
Sam and I have decided to have a BABY!!!!

For Samael

Apr. 6th, 2006 08:23 am
birthrightgreen: (Sam and Surreal ethereal)
She was pacing. She'd been pacing. Ladies had made them stop talking, and it needed to be talked about. Or not. It could just be ignored, really. They didn't have to talk about it.

It probably was too soon. It had only been a few months of just them. They hadn't even moved in together, though they didn't really spend that much time apart, shifting back and forth between the two.

But this? This was big. This was life changing. This was...someone would have to move, probably. And her family might...Mother Night and may the Darkness be merciful. There'd be flailing. Would they let her leave? Would they trust him to protect her while she was vulnerable? Or would Daemon go all...things hadn't really gone well between he and Sam after all.

Was she even ready to be a mother?

Could she be? All those years of whoring and she'd never gotten pregnant and protection wasn't full proof and most whores did at some point.

Had there been too much damage, from too much...from how young she'd been? She'd heard of such. Witches speared too young who were never able to conceive.

The thought that it might be the case caused a shot of pain she wouldn't have expected. Whores didn't want children. But she wasn't a whore anymore. And the thought of holding a daughter--or son--of her own made her glow with a warmth she hadn't ever felt before. Longing, sharp and making her breath catch with how strong the craving was.

She nibbled on her lip, then grabbed a nutcake from the plate of them she'd coaxed Manny to make while she was here. That was better to nibble on, even if she wasn't hungry. She shifted to the window, watching for him, trying to ignore the clenching in her stomach.
birthrightgreen: (Sam and Surreal dangerous)
I haven't had much of an occasion to sacrifice things, sugar. Not for love at least. The things I did for Daemon weren't sacrifices. They were just what you do for your family. It didn't cost me anything, and it filled something inside of me that I've never wanted to look too closely at.

Wasn't a sacrifice to weave the death spell for the uncles coming after me and Jaenelle. It was my job. Killing men like them is what I do.

Falonar...There wasn't love there, so any sacrifices I made were perhaps in the search for love, which really just flashes back to my own selfish need to think that I actually mattered to someone in that way.

But now I do. And now he does. And I can say that I know what it is to love and be loved.

And that's terrifying.

It's so tempting to run. Every fiber of me screams at me to do it. Don't open up. Don't let someone in that close. Don't tell him your secrets. Don't ask for his. Don't walk away from the dreams you've held on to.

I could have listened. I could have stayed locked up in my world, doing what needed doing, nursing dreams that didn't keep me warm at night and hadn't any hope of coming true. But they were mine, and they were safe because I'd held on to them for so long. They were sure. I could have kept accepting a half sort of a relationship and pretending that it filled those places that needed filling. Maybe I could have even convinced myself I was happy.

It might not have been perfect, but it would have been safe. I would have been content.

Greatest sacrifice I ever made for love was that safety. Walking away from it. Letting it go. For both its sake and mine, truly. Let it go to do and be what it needed to be, and found myself without a net. Pushed enough for who I needed to be that sudden cataclysmic things shifted around us and everything changed in what felt like the space of a few heartbeats.

Nothing to catch me if I fall. Just me and him. And the truth is, neither of us has a clue what we're doing. We know how to play all the games but this one. Because suddenly it's not a game. It's just us.

It's a daily sacrifice, really, walking away from the net. But I keep making it, and I'll keep making it until doing anything else would be inconceivable.

Aftermath

Jan. 4th, 2006 07:16 pm
birthrightgreen: (crashing)
The spa had helped a bit. Not a lot, not as much as Daemon had probably hoped when he set up the appointments. There were still knots in her shoulders that the masseuse had clucked over reprovingly, but finally had to give up on when, after she smoothed them away with Craft, they reformed before she'd finished with her lower back.

She couldn't help it though. Lu's words kept reeling through her head, so at odds with what Sam seemed to see and she felt caught in a very silky web of deceit and wondered if she was the fly. Already confused at their world, the mixed messages swirling around her made it so much worse. He'd seemed...last night he'd seemed...

But then Lu had said and everything she'd hoped had shattered with those two phrases.

Beloved. Life partner. Only not married because she didn't believe in the ceremony.

A man who hadn't yet decided who he wanted to build a life with, Surreal could handle. A man not ready to settle down, still playing the field, she understood.

It's not like she was certain she wanted to build her life with him, yet either. But she could see the possibility. She could see the chance of it, what their life could look like. But if he'd already made that choice...then she'd been right. There really was no place for her there.

It hurt, knife to the gut hurt and there seemed to be a permanent lump in her throat. The masseuse had tried to soothe her, seeming to sense her mood. Probably some sort of empathic talent. A Healer, definitely. It had helped. She wasn't fighting hysteria. It was colder than that. Numbness almost. A detached sense where she could look at her nails and smile at the manicurist with a smile that even got to her eyes. She could wiggle her now scarlet toes in the lush carpet with a luxurious sigh, and close her eyes and relish the cool tingle of the cucumbers resting over them.

She could manage small talk with the stationer, ordering calling cards. She could bow and nod in the streets as she passed people she recognized.

Ashes, ashes, they all fall down... )
birthrightgreen: (putting up hair)
She changed her dress three times. Then a fourth. Then went back to the second one she'd been wearing. She'd never worried about wearing anything too revealing out with Daemon before, but if he was going into protective mode...

Well. She hadn't anything dowdy and were she to wear something dowdy he might not go with her because she'd look so wretched. Daemon could be so particular about his clothes. She eyed the pile on the bed. Apparently that was another lesson he'd passed on. She settled on a simple gown, elegant and flattering of her slender figure and her coloring. Alluring but not a dress that she would have worn to work in.

Hair half up, half down, though she considered putting it all up to discourage errant fingers, but then couldn't do that. She liked those fingers far too much.

Loved them even.

Loved. She tried the word out mentally a couple of times. Loved. She loved his fingers. She loved his smile. She loved. Him.

She loved him.

"I love him."

And now Daemon was finally going to meet him. Jaenelle had gotten to, briefly, but Daemon...

She nibbled at her nail, then stopped, horrified at herself. Daemon first. Then, if that went well enough, Saetan. Lucivar.

But Daemon worried her most. Slipping her shoes on, she took a deep breath and reviewed the evening's plans.

She'd made arrangements for dinner in Amdarh at one of Daemon's favorite restaurants. Dinner was superb there and their wine list impressive. She thought Sam would approve.

Now, if she could just keep the two men civil and calm for the evening, things would be well. She cursed the Darkness for growly males in general, and Warlord Princes specifically and went in search of Daemon.

ooc: *g* we still need to play out Surreal telling Sam about the plans, but I figured I'd get this up if nothing else after Surreal and Daemon's chat tonight, as we're all playing a bit slow, and I have work tomorrow. :)
birthrightgreen: (B&W soul's pleading)
Have you ever experienced something you couldn’t explain? Write down your brushes with the mysterious.

Experienced, no. But observed...yes.

Love.

I live in a world where magic, Craft, reigns supreme. The Blood rely on their Craft, their power for almost everything, even things that landens seem to find simple like cooking and putting on shoes.

My family is considered by many to be mysterious, but there are not unexplainable. They are as they are. Where once I may have balked at the name of the High Lord, and far more at the Priest of the Hourglass, he now is just Uncle Saetan. He is a deep well and complex and the tiers of his soul extend deeper into the Darkness than I care to plunge, but I seen nothing unexplainable there.

But love. Love I find I do not understand. Not as it is in Kaeleer.

I understand friendship. I am beginning to understand family. Slowly.

I understand love in it's familial form. I love Daemon. I love Jaenelle. I love Titian and Tersa. I am coming to love Uncle Saetan and even Lucivar and Marian and the coven. I would die to protect any of them.

But it is not this love I'm speaking of. The love between Daemona and Jaenelle. That between Lucivar and Marian. Between Morghann and Khary. The love that...binds people together...

I see it. I can see how they react to each other, how they are torn apart when they are separated or fighting. How they feel the others' highs and lows. So much of what I know about relationships between females and males, however, comes from my other observations. How females belittled males, and males, in turn, belittled the whores with no status to make them bow. The simmering resentment. The jealousy, that was over favor, not love. Terreille carries a poison that Kaeleer has only felt the faintest taste of. Yet despite that, Daemon and Lucivar have found it in them to love.

Despite centuries of mistreatment at the hands of Queens, they now kneel willingly to serve. And yes, Marian and Jaenelle are more than worthy of being served. I am honored to be in Jaenelle's service. But it is more than Protocol.

They love. Love with a fierceness I never knew Daemon was capable of. A devotion I would have laughed had someone told me of it a mere two decades ago.

I don't understand this power. This feeling. This...desperation for the touch, the presence of another. A specific other. It doesn't make sense. Where does it come from? How can you feel it when all you have seen is the baser part of the nature of the opposite sex? I have...the things I allowed...what my profession demanded...

And yet, to have a...a lover. To take him as such. To play with the possibility of...more to come than the physical exhilaration of pleasing and being pleased, of excellence in bedroom games...

It is frightening. And daunting. And I do not understand it.

But I want to.
birthrightgreen: (headache)
She's restless. Worried. Confused. So many things she doesn't understand and not understanding is making her want to scream. She's not one for giving into hysterical screaming though, so she kicks the furniture instead. Hard. Graysfang had loped in from the woods when he sensed she was back, and now stands in the doorway to the balcony watching her, worried.

*Surreal?*

She snarls at him slightly before she checks herself. It's not his fault.

"Don't. Fuss." Clear warning in her tone. He ducks his head.

She doesn't want to be fussed over. She wants...she doesn't know what she wants. Frustration prickles under her skin as if trying to drive her mad. Only two things she can think of to drive that feeling away, and one of them is unlikely for Darkness knows how long. So the other.

She changes swiftly into Lucivar-approved training clothes. She's still not as skilled as she'd like to be with the fighting sticks. She's likely to be bruised and battered and sore in all the wrong places by the end of it.

At least if the Darkness is merciful she will be.

She goes in search of one of the Eryiens to train with, or anyone else foolish enough to cross her path and agree to it.
birthrightgreen: (Never Fall in Love)
[After this and this.]

SURREAL:*half-wry, half serious* Being a whore was easier.
DAEMON: Yes, in some ways. At least I could splatter the bitches whenever I felt like it.
SURREAL:*blinks* Well. Yeah. That, too. *thoughtful pause* It's not very good etiquette to splatter your lover all over the walls, is it?
DAEMON: You assume I ever had any lovers.
SURREAL: No. I know you didn't. Just...in general.
DAEMON:*slight smile* I suppose you have a point. Splattering one's lovers tends to be rather permanent.
SURREAL:*soft sigh* Yeah.
DAEMON: Surreal...
SURREAL:*looks up* Yeah?
DAEMON: Do you care for him? Because if you do, I'll leave it be. I won't like it, and I can't promise I won't growl. Probably often. But I'll stay away from him.
Lovers, Loves and Colliding Worlds )
birthrightgreen: (Occasionally five)
After this.

DAEMON: *goes looking for Graysfang*
GRAYSFANG: *is happily chewing on leather strap*
DAEMON: *pets the wolf*
GRAYSFANG: *wags his tail* *Daemon!*
DAEMON: *Little Brother*
GRAYSFANG: *Surreal went shopping*
DAEMON: *So I hear. I think she's besotted.*
GRAYSFANG: *tilts his head* *Besotted?*
DAEMON: *makes an impatient gesture* *She is infatuated with him.*
GRAYSFANG: *slight growl*
DAEMON: *growls as well*
Wherein Growly Males attempt to understand female instead of just asking )
birthrightgreen: (Hell's Fire!)
After this.

DAEMON: *snarls*
GRAYSFANG: *She went willingly, but he smelled funny. Not like Blood*
DAEMON: *you're sure?*
GRAYSFANG: *That he smelled funny?*
DAEMON: *sighs*
GRAYSFANG: *tilts his head*
DAEMON: *no, that she went willingly* *scritches behind ears*
GRAYSFANG: *He sent her a dress. She put it on. And scent.* *sneezes slightly*
DAEMON: *moody* *if you insist.*
GRAYSFANG: *Is Surreal taking a mate?* *worried*
DAEMON: *even moodier* *I suppose it's possible.*
GRAYSFANG: *whines a little, settling next to him* *He stayed in her bed before. She wouldn't let me in*
DAEMON: *dryly* *I think she's capable of taking care of that side of things without your help, little brother*
GRAYSFANG: *If Surreal takes a mate, his claim will be stronger than mine...*
DAEMON: *strokes him again* *And if you take a mate, hers will be stronger than Surreal's. That's the way it goes.*
GRAYSFANG: *puppy eyes*
DAEMON: *cool look* *You know I'm right.*
GRAYSFANG: *whines*
DAEMON: *sighs, moody* *Yeah, I don't like it much either.*
GRAYSFANG: *perks up a bit* *You don't?*
DAEMON: *shakes his head* *But it's not any of my business, either.*
GRAYSFANG: *hopefully* *She listens to you*
DAEMON: *scowls* *Absolutely not*
GRAYSFANG: *Why not?* *puppy eyes again*
DAEMON: *because she'll come after my balls, and then yours, that's why.*
GRAYSFANG: *puts his paws over his nose, discouraged*
DAEMON: *grumps*
GRAYSFANG: *He smells funny. He's not Blood. She can't take a mate who isn't Blood* *seems mildly cheered by this*
DAEMON: *Hmm. I wonder if we can argue that...*
GRAYSFANG: Rrrf! *Yes!* *bounces back up, tail wagging*
DAEMON: *glances at the wolf*
DAEMON: *I'll talk to her, all right?*
GRAYSFANG: *All right!*
DAEMON: *is so going to regret this*
GRAYSFANG: *bounces happily, finds a scrap of leather Surreal lets him chew on, settling on Daemon's feet*
DAEMON: *chuckles, petting him*

[Surreal: ....Mate? We went dancing. They got into the Gravediggers again didn't they? I can't believe Daemon gave the wolf alcohol. So irresponsible.]
birthrightgreen: (Deadly)
Well. I'm not really sure what the "Bible" is. And I've never heard of angels or heaven. But I saw this quiz on [livejournal.com profile] evankasparov's journal and it was telling him that he was Satan (no "e"), who apparently rules Hell in this "Bible" thing. Well, shit. That was amusing. So I took the quiz.

And what do you know? I got the same result.

I'm assuming there are other villains you can get, but I think this one's fitting, all things considered. *can't decide whether to smirk or giggle*

Which Biblical Villain are you? )

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